Dear Aunt Jo

My wife and I are having problems with our finances due to lack of knowledge and education on some basic issues

Things started when my wife started going on summer vacations with her friends, as you know summer holidays are always expensive, so my wife’s friends introduce her to short term shark loans, credit cards etc and now it is out of hands. My wife is a full time house wife and as such I make sure that we are living within our means, but it got to a time when I could not control things any more as anything I said sent me to the citizens advice bureau. All this was going on without my knowledge until I happened to come across a repossession warning of our house and questioned her or should I say forced it out of her. Then she confessed everything. At first I wanted to leave her since she has betrayed my trust but I want to sort things out because of the children. I do not want them to become homeless, but how or where do I start or begin from?

I also want to take this opportunity to advice people to watch out for these loans and credit card, because is not in your favour.
Samuel originally from Kenya

My dear Samuel
I know this is not what you want to hear, but you are not alone. It is not easy to work hard to have a roof over your head in this country or anywhere for that matter. Firstly, I will suggest you talk to your mortgage lender and explain your financial problems, if the lender is not your bank, try and talk to your bank as well. Most or the time they will give you a financial planner who will advise you on how to manage your finances, or seek advise from citizen advice bureau, they are also very helpful, and can put you to the relevant expertise

I feel at this point you both need to see a marriage counsellor, also if you want to give another go, do it because you love your wife but do not use the children as a choice. I feel by now your wife has learnt her lesson in the hard way
Good luck.

Dear Auntie Jo,
I am a mother of three children and my third child is still a baby. I love my husband very much but he is not helping me with the house work and I feel very stressed because I have so much responsibility which includes my part time job, you see, I started having my children at the age of 18yrs. So to me I missed my teenage years and did not go out much. I thought house chores was supposed to be shared between us. He pays the house bill and the mortgage, but I also contribute which is fine but the least he can do is look after the young one while I do other things I need to do on a weekend but instead he will go out with his friends to have fun. Whilst I get stuck with the children. Sometimes I feel being used and mentally exhausted, and get very angry, talking to my husband is impossible as if am talking to a brick wall. 

I have tried several times asking for help but he tells me that it is a woman’s responsibility. What should l I do? Now I feel one of these days, I will just take my bag and run.
Sussie from Thamesmead.

Dear Sussie
My heart goes to you. It is not easy to look after three children which is a full time job by itself plus another job, am not surprise you feel the way you are feel now, but running away is not the answer, you need to sit your husband down at the right time and express yourself. Also it depends on where in Africa you originate from. Most Africans grow up thinking that a man goes out to work while the wife does the house work, changing this mindset will be difficult but it is possible

You could get some family members involved, since you also work, and maybe they will help you out. Another suggestion is to get a babysitter and go out with your husband every now and then.
Good luck

Agony Aunt invites you to send her your problems for solutions. Send to info@africanecho.co.uk.

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