Dear Ante Jo,

I have been married for the past 8 years, my wife and I have no children together, but I have one child, who is 17yrs old and is in Zambia . Due to my wife inability to have kids, my parents have always been bothering me to have a second wife to bear my children without my wife knowledge of it.

Three years ago, I went home on holidays and met this lady. She is very pretty and we got on very well. We decided to be together, so I went and rented a 2 Bedroom flat, and full furnished it for her. I paid for her to undertake a catering course.  Her parents like me so much. I suspect that they so because I fend for them. My lady at home is aware of my need to have a child, so I was over the moon when 2 yrs ago she rang to tell me she was pregnant. I only saw her once at the early stage of her so-called pregnancy.

When I asked my friend to keep an eye on her whilst I am here in the United Kingdom , he kept telling me he does not think she was pregnant. Naively, I believed my girlfriend. A year ago, she wrote a letter to me that she has had a miscarriage. I was very upset but I thought she needed me through the tough times so I travelled to Zambia unannounced. To her and my surprise I found another man with her. The man actually claims he is my lady's husband and he is based in Germany and that her parents were aware of their marriage.

Ante, I have spent a lot of money on this lady, and I feel betrayed and used, what should I do?

Danny

Dear Danny
I do not know whether you want me to give you a medal or you want me to take away your guilt to make you feel better. Firstly you mention that you have a wife whom you have known for the past 8 yrs. Even though she has not given you a child, you already have a wife.

Have you tried seeking medical help? Have you considered fertility treatment?  Do you have the feeling that it is the woman's responsibility?

I feel justice has been done for what you have put this woman through, both mentally and financially. You should have talked with her and expressed your concerns to her. Anyway since she does not know, try and make it up to her by doing the right thing. Seek medical advice and also a marriage counsellor if you feel your marriage is in crisis. You both have to discuss this if you feel the need of having another child.

Good luck

Dear Ante Jo,

I am 38 and have been happily married for about six years and blessed with three children with my wife. I am currently in the USA pursuing a Master's degree programme in Economics. I have been away for about year and have recently been diagnosed to have contracted an infection called Hepatitis C. I told this can be transmitted sexually.

I don't know how to break the news to my wife. I am thinking that she may commit suicide. This is because she has that tendency when faced with a difficult situation such as this. Since I have been told there is no known cure for this deadly infection.

I am confused Antie. Please help me.

Thanks
Worried Oko.  

Dear Oko,

 Hepatitis C is a viral infection, transmitted mainly through contact with infected blood, such as blood transfusion, injection with contaminated needles, as in intravenous drug use(IVDU).In a few cases it can be transmitted through sexual intercourse with an partner or from mother to an unborn fetus.

I understand your anxiety Oko! However, it is helpful to let your wife know about your status so that she can go for a medical check up since she might not have been infected after all. If you cannot break the news yourself, you can arrange with your General Practitioner (GP) or a counsellor to do that since they have trained for these cases.

Knowing her status would help her take the necessary precautions to prevent contracting the infection from you. On the other hand if she is also infected, you can both get treatments to keep the infection under control.

I advise you to see your GP together with your wife and children for counselling and screening, and I trust you will get the necessary assistance.

God Bless you. 

ARCHIVES-AGONY AUNT