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Jokes and
Laughs |
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Drink my Poison
here's this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big troublemaking truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I'm thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."
Blonde Joke
One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.
Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!
Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.
Doctor: Then what happened?
Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!
Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.
Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"
Serious Flatulence leads US jet to divert
An American Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Nashville after passengers reported the smell of sulphur from burning matches. The matches were found on the seat of a woman who had attempted to conceal the odour of flatulence with the matches, Nashville airport authorities said.
All 99 passengers and five crew left the plane while it was searched.
The woman was questioned by the FBI but released without charge and allowed to board another American Airlines flight.
"It was determined that she was trying to conceal body odour," said Lynne Lowrance of the Nashville Airport Authority.
She had "no malicious intent but had struck matches which is against [Transport Security Administration] rules," Ms Lowrance said. The unidentified woman had an unspecified medical condition, Associated Press news agency said.
She was carrying safety matches, which the TSA allows in carry-on luggage. The matches are not allowed to be struck, however.
'Pregnant' man fined in SA court
A South African man has been fined $140 for taking a week off work, telling his employers he was pregnant. Charles Sibindana, 27, stole a certificate from a clinic during his pregnant girlfriend's checkup, a court near Johannesburg heard.
He then added his own details to the note and submitted it and took seven days off work, seemingly unaware that only women consult gynaecologists.
His employers became suspicious and investigated the matter.
On passing sentence Magistrate Bruno Van Eeden warned Mr Sibindana "not to walk around faking sick letters from gynaecologists" as if he was pregnant.
Tongue Twister
Say this six times...
Six thick thistle sticks...
Six thick thistle sticks...
Six thick thistle sticks...
Six thick thistle sticks...
Six thick thistle sticks...
Six thick thistle sticks...etc. ...
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