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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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WHEN it comes to relationships many men wander onto proverbial land mines. Going about their daily lives, they keep bad habits that they may not realize are destructive to their causes. No matter how innocent you think you are, if you’re keeping these bad habits there’s a good chance you’re turning your girl against you. Although women are all different, there are certain things that indicate you’re not putting her first, whether you think you are or not. Relationship Expert Kristen Armstrong writes on habits that she secretly, or not so secretly, hates.
1. You’re late:
Punctuality is not the beall and end-all of a good man. However, if you’re late all the time you’re certainly not winning any popularity contests with your main girl and this is surely a habit women hate. All emergencies aside, lateness indicates a lack of commitment to the plans you’ve made with one another. It also, whether intended or not, communicates a lack of respect and understanding for your date.
If you’re a person who’s consistently late, know that your lady isn’t the only person your lateness is affecting. It could also be jeopardizing your job or your relationships with friends and family. Instead of continuing with your tradition of being tardy, start planning your day so you know you can be on time.
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2. You forget:
You may think that “I forgot” stands as a perfectly good excuse in life. She doesn’t agree and forgetting is definitely a habit women hate. Forgetfulness is forgivable in small doses and when the outcome is not crucial.
However, a consistent and ongoing habit of missing the finer points is going to wear on those around you, including your girlfriend. Generally speaking, we are all good at remembering the things that are important to us. When it comes to favours or dates we’re not all that excited about, our memory does us a disservice. This translates to her exactly how you might expect it would: that the things you’re forgetting (her birthday, that favour you promised, calling to make dinner reservations) seem not to matter to you at all. And if you keep it up, you may as well forget your girl because she’ll soon forget you.
3. You omit things:
Secrecy can sometimes save our butts in life, but it will almost surely get us into trouble too. You think if you don’t tell her about your little slip-ups and faux pas that she won’t find out and you’ll all be happier. Well, you’re wrong. What will happen if you continue to refrain from the truth is that she will inevitably find out and will be forever distrusting of everything you say. If you have a little skeleton in your closet, it’s much better to air it out. If you messed up, just admit it to her. If there’s some part of your past or present you wish she just wouldn’t find out, you’re better off just to buck up and let her in on it. Omitting the “little” details can quickly become a big thing if you let it.
4. You under-do it:
When it comes to birthdays, holidays or even her grandparents’ 50th anniversary party, you should never under-do it as this is a habit women hate. If you come underdressed, unimpressed and without a gift, you are unprepared and under-doing it. Don’t think that your presence is what counts most. Your enthusiasm is what counts. If it’s Valentine’s Day, don’t whine about how it’s not important. She knows that the fate of the world doesn’t depend on a romantic evening. However, it’s important to her and if it’s important to her, it’s important. |
Do your bit. Humouring one another is key to making things work between two people in a relationship. Look back on your relationship and see what ways she’s accommodated the things that matter to you, and then return the favour.
5. You stare at other women:
Women aren’t stupid. She knows you’re looking at women all the time. She knows you noticed the waitress, the bartender and the girl at the next table. What she doesn’t want is for you to embarrass her or undermine her own looks by making a scene of it. She doesn’t want to notice that you’re noticing.
If you’re gawking at other women, commenting on them as you pass or missing conversations with your own date because you’re so distracted, then you’re not giving your girl the respect and admiration she deserves, and she knows it.
Women have this thing with comparing themselves to other women, and it’s a zero-sum game. If you’re complimenting another girl’s looks, your date will assume that you mean she’s prettier.
This will make her feel less and less attractive with each comment until she wishes she’d just stayed home, and maybe next time she will.
*Break the habit:
These things all add up to one thing: If you’re giving less than your full effort to your date, she’s likely noticed and is unimpressed. These bad habits all indicate your lack of commitment and care in making her feel good. As such, they’re all on your women’s most hated habits list.
Am a married lover
Dear LoveThing,
I have been married for more than five years and have had a lot of problems with my husband from day one. I am not happy with my present family life. This past year I have been having an affair with a guy. I feel he is my right choice as a life partner. I love him a lot and I am 100% committed to him, but he is already married.
They have loved each other for six years and have been married for one year. He says he loves both of us a lot. He says he is not able to make any decision about whom he wants as a life partner.
He says he loves his wife a lot and his actions prove that, but he is also not happy with his wife since she gives him lots of problems. He says I am his ideal life partner, but doesn’t know how to come out of a relationship with his wife. What should I do right now?
-ZINYA
**Affairs of the heart can delude the mind into believing whatever it needs to rationalise certain behaviour.
If you are unhappy in your current marriage, you need to leave it or work at fixing it. That should be your first priority. In order to do that properly, you need to end the affair you are involved in.
Whatever contact you have with him needs to end. I want to be clear that this has nothing to do with personal preference or morals. The fact of the matter is you can’t possibly analyse the true nature of your marriage while you’re attention is being given to another man.
Being in a relationship with two people always means you can’t give 100% to either person. No one deserves that kind of relationship.
How your secret partner feels about his wife or you is quite frankly irrelevant and shouldn’t have any bearing on whether you decide to stay in your marriage or not. If you decide to split from your husband and you feel tempted to contact this other man again, let me give you some advice… He’s not going to leave his wife for you. He’s already stated he’s happy and content for the most part with his marriage. You are his extra plaything at the moment.
If he did ever leave his wife, you’d have to wonder how long it would be before he found a new plaything to take your place. Take the time to love yourself enough to find someone you can wholly love and who will love only you. No amount of joy or love you think you are experiencing with this person can match what it feels like to be 100% loved and love the same in return.
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