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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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SHOULD I LOSE WEIGHT TO PLEASE MY PARTNER?
Dear LoveThing,
After five years of marriage and two kids, I've put on quite a bit of weight. Now my husband says he isn't interested in me sexually, even though he's developed a major beer belly himself. I've tried dieting without success so far, but in the meantime, I still love him and want to feel close in bed. Why can't he accept me the way I am?
…..ANI
**It's not fair, but it's a fact of life: The way we look can affect how a partner reacts to us. Sure, it would be great if spirit, character and love overshadowed all the physical stuff, but that's just not the way it works for most people. The majority of men (and a great number of women) care very much about appearance. It is, after all, the basis of many couple's initial attraction. And of course, our beauty-and-bodyobsessed culture doesn't make it any easier to be bigger than a size six. Except for a handful of celebs (think Rosie, Oprah, Camryn and Delta), most famous women are slim if not downright skeletal. Add to that the harsh scientific fact that men are more aroused by visual stimuli than are women (in other words, all it takes for men to get turned on is a picture of a naked babe, but women tend to factor in other characteristics).
Still, who wouldn't be resentful of a husband who criticizes a spouse for being overweight when he's not so svelte (slim) himself?
Bottom line: If you want a better sex life, you're going to have to recommit yourself to a diet and exercise program. You don't need to get down to a size eight. The point is to try to be more attractive for yourself and one another. This time, instead of going it alone, get your spouse to join you. If you become each other's workout and diet buddies, looking better will become a couple activity and not something you have to deal with alone.
The benefits: You'll both get more fit (and healthier), and hopefully, your feelings of companionship and sexual satisfaction will grow, too. Let's face it: You could stand to lose some; he could stand to lose some. Losing it together gets you both where you need to go. Don't give up!
I'M SCARED!
Dear LoveThing,
I've been seeing this wonderful woman for about three months. We both want to make it an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, and have held off on having sex to avoid complicating our situation. Our problem is that we both have issues from previous relationships that impede us from getting past the "just seeing each other" phase.
We talk about our issues quite a bit, but it feels like we're in a rut, and are both scared to take the next step. I'm really not sure what to do at this point. Can you
help us?
…FATA
When you try to protect yourself against future emotional pain, you end up hurting yourself worse. You may not get hurt the way you were trying to avoid, but someone will definitely end up getting hurt, and it's usually you. Love is learning to trust someone else with your true inner feelings.
Yes, they can do things that can cause immense pain, but real love is about trusting them not to.
The whole experience, whether it's good or bad, is about learning more about yourself and what you are capable of handling. You grow in ways you wouldn't know were possible because of your involvement in that person's life. You can try to protect yourself forever, but you aren't doing yourself any favours. Life can't be experienced to its fullest potential when you continually shut the doors its opening for you.
My advice, give it a try. You both have a similar background; maybe that will help you both get past your emotional pain. It's possible that you've both gone through what you did, just so you could be together.
If you don't at least give it a try, how will you know?
Have a love story to tell?
Need some love advice?
Email: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk
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