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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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OUR parents are our first role models when it comes to relationships. The methods they used to navigate the pathways of romance leave a pretty permanent impression on our relationship viewpoints.
Their experiences help us gain a better understanding of what to do and what not to do when it comes to love. In a recent romance poll married people share what pearls of wisdom they've learned from their parents. Below are some of the favourite responses on topics ranging from children to teamwork.
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1. MARRY FOR LOVE:
"The most important thing my parents have taught me is to make sure to only marry someone that you really, truly love." ...ADA
"My parents taught me what a relationship should not be like. Both married someone they didn't really love (each other). As a result, my father was always frustrated ('your mother is a cold fish,' he'd say). I never saw them kiss, give loving touches, look at each other with love in their eyes. From this I learned how crucial sex, touching, verbal intimacy and tokens of love are to the success of a relationship. My significant other travels extensively for his job, but not a day passes that he doesn't send me a card through the Internet. He also calls every morning to wake me up and at night before we go to sleep. We are so physically and emotionally in synch that we both have no doubt that we love and trust each other implicitly - something my parents never had.
It makes me sad for them, for their entire marriage was a sham and both were sad and angry most of their lives."... BANA
"The most important thing I've learned from my parents is that the fairy tale of love can be real - that after 30 years, your partner can still light up the room for you." ...CECIL
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2. HARD WORK AND PERSERVERANCE:
"My parents have taught me to work as hard in a relationship as you would at anything else you truly love!" …CHRIS
"No matter what, if you love one another it will be worth it. Never give up. My parents have been through it all and no matter what thirtysix years later they are still in love. So, I would have to say that they taught me that love truly can conquer all!" …DEOLA
"Marriage vows are sacred, far stronger than any bumps or potholes along life's highway." … ESTHA
"Relationships take work. Yes, you get that 'in love giddy feeling' with every little thing being perfect, but it takes compromise, dedication and hard work from both people."… EDMOND
3. CHILDREN AND DIVORCE:
"You shouldn't stay married just for your kids. It makes you miserable, and it makes you a worse parent."… FRIEDA
"I learned that if I am in a marriage that no longer has love, I will get out of it. Its' not worth it to spend 30 years in a loveless marriage where neither one of you is actually happy."… GUY
"Not to stay together if you are unhappy. They did and I had a bad childhood!"… HANS
4. COMMUNICATION:
"Don't go to bed angry. Always communicate, tell each other your feelings and try to look at the other person's point of view. Always be there for each other and spend time together. Listen to each other and love your mate unconditionally." …IRIS
"Never argue about the petty stuff and never let the petty stuff argue you."…JIM
"To always communicate with each other. Be honest and never doubt each other. Trust in one another. Love one another and be as one.”… JANE
"Communication is important. If something is bothering you about the other person, talk to them about it. Don't let it eat at you and hope that they are going to change. How will they change if you don't tell them?" … KARINE
5. RESPECT:
"You must respect each other and be a team." … LINDA
"We've learned to love and respect each other through the joys and trials of life, and to always infuse humour into situations." … MARTINS
"Two people are not the same and your partner should be treated as you would want to be treated. If you made a mistake in your relationship remember, problems come and go. In order to build a strong relationship, one must be willing to forgive one another and move on. When you can do that you know you have found a true soul mate." … MAUREEN
6. TOLERANCE AND COMPROMISE:
"If you love someone enough you will love the good and tolerate the bad." "After 38 years of marriage, the most important thing I learned from my parents is that no matter how bad things may seem, there is always a solution and a compromise to any problem if you really want there to be." …NNAMDI
"You can agree to disagree and still have a loving, fulfilling relationship." …OPONG
"I have learned that love endures through all the good and bad things that may come about in a marriage." …PAULINE
"I've learned how important acceptability of one another is. I've learned tolerance from both of them and they are very supportive of each other." …RONKE
"I've learned to leave the past in the past. Forgive others for things that have been said in the heat of an argument. Approach each other to apologize. Don't wait for the other one to do it first."… SAFFIE
7. HONESTY:
"To be open and honest with the person you're with. Lying about things only means you have something to hide, and it only makes things worse for everyone.” … TAMBENG
"I would have to say being honest. Without honesty in your relationship it will not work. Lies have a tendency of catching up with you." …UJU
8. TEAMWORK:
"My parents have taught me how to work out solutions for every problem - together." …VERA
"You're not always going to have time for each other, but when you do, you make that time special!" … WILLY
"A relationship won't work if you don't put the effort in and do things together; living together but living separate lives is not a relationship." … YASSIN
"It takes two to make a relationship work, both parties have to be willing to support the other and give each other in a loving manner. When things get tough, help each other get through the rough times. My parents have been together 48 years now." …
ZUBY.
Five secrets to staying in love
JUST about everyone wants to know how they can make their relationship better. They want to know how they can deepen the commitment and love between each partner.
Unfortunately relationships are not something you can provide a "to do" sheet for and all will be solved, but with these five key secrets you can certainly improve your chances for getting all you desire out of your relationship.
1. DO THINGS UNEXPECTEDLY:
One key secret to a successful relationship is compromise. Meeting halfway on things shows your partner that you really do care about their viewpoint and you are willing to work on making each other happy. Every so often make it a point to do something that you normally would not agree to or feel like doing.
When you keep your partner constantly surprised by your actions, you regenerate that "new love" feeling time and time again. So, when your partner asks if you want to try that new restaurant…say yes! If they ask if you want to try a new hobby…say yes!
2. SHOW YOUR LOYALTY:
Nothing strengthens a relationship quite like watching your partner go to bat for you, especially against close friends or family members. It shows that you consider your relationship a team. If you harass one member of a team, you harass them all.
When you side with other people against your partner you make them feel alienated and the seeds of hidden resentment become planted.
You can show loyalty positively as well by bragging about your partner's recent accomplishments to friends and family.
3. BE SUPPORTIVE:
Challenges and opportunities are always going to occur. You can't stop them from happening. Hopefully for both of you the changes in your lives are positive ones. The secret key here is having a supporting and understanding mate in your corner to help you through your ups and downs. If you lose your job, it's quite a bit easier to bounce back when you have someone who's willing to support your choices and any new directions you might want to branch out to. If you want a career or lifestyle change, imagine the difference having someone who will carefully consider and support those changes? When your partner is presenting you with a challenge or an opportunity, treat them the way you'd want to be treated.
4. MAINTAIN A HEALTHY DOSE OF INDIVIDUALITY:
Personal time and space are essential to growing individually. Everyone one needs private time to do the things they want to do. It helps refocus attention to the priorities.
Sometimes you or your partner may just need time to release emotions from a bad day, instead of bringing it home with them.
Learning to respect and notice when your partner needs some individual time shows that you are committed to not only your relationship, but their longterm happiness as well.
5. LOVE YOUR PARTNER:
Love is obviously a crucial element in a successful long-term relationship. But having love isn't enough. You need to be in love. The phrase "love is a verb, not a noun" certainly applies here. Don't hesitate to write that quick love note, give that deep kiss, sit next to each other at a restaurant or hold hands in public. The little things go a long way towards establishing a deep, intimate connection with your partner. As simple as it sounds, this action is probably the most commonly overlooked and ignored.
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