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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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OFFICE ROMANCE
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MIXING work and love can make your job (and social life) a whole lot more fun, or it can be a recipe for disaster.
You get a little flustered every time you see that cute guy from a few cubicles down, the one you've locked eyes with over the copier or bantered with by the vending machine. The crush seems mutual, too. He blushed when you shared an elevator yesterday, and he's always oh, so casually inquiring about your weekend plans. But before you reply that your weekend plans are all about...him, take a breath. There's a major issue here, after all. Is it smart to mix work and love? One reader recently wondered that herself:
"I'm currently working at a school, and there are a couple of professors I find attractive. So what do I do? Is it OK to go for it, or should I hold back?" According to Andrew DuBrin, Ph.D., a management professor and author of "Winning Office Politics," "the workplace is the number one place to meet mates these days." That said, caution is required. Before you decide to pursue a more personal connection with a colleague, make sure you're prepared to follow these guidelines:
1. Be discreet. You're down the hall from your honey and you're dying to steal a smooch or continue your lovers' quarrel from last night. Don't. You need to practice self-restraint on the job. "Be professional, keep quiet about your romance, and don't play footsie under the desk," recommends Laurie Rozakis, author of "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Office Politics." "You don't want your relationship to affect your work or others' perceptions of your performance." Flirty, passionate e-mails and phone messages are a definite no-no. They could be read or overheard by others, creating awkwardness and embarrassment. It's also an unfortunate reality that some failed interoffice relationships morph into sexual harassment suits and you don't want to leave a trail of electronic evidence in your wake.
2. Don't date your boss - or a subordinate. "Never get involved with someone who's in your direct chain of command," says Dr. DuBrin. "There's too much of a chance that people will perceive favouritism." Your company may explicitly prohibit this kind of relationship anyway (15% of workplaces do), or have some kind of policy on interoffice dating. About 20% of all companies mandate that if two individuals from the same department or work group get involved, they need to alert management, so that half of the couple can be reassigned. If you're considering pursuing love with your boss or assistant, ask yourself: Is this relationship worth my job? Because that's what it will probably cost you.
3. Develop a thick skin. Office affairs (be they flings or serious commitments) make juicy gossip. People are probably going to discuss your involvement, whether you like it or not. Another reader says "the biggest problem with meeting my husband at work was the problem other people had with it."
4. Weigh the risks. It's imperative that you be realistic about the possible downsides of office romance. If you break up, for example, you may feel compelled to quit your job to avoid having to face Mr. Ex every day. "Please, please take my advice and don't mix work with a relationship," says another reader. "I ended up getting involved with my boss, and guess who had to leave when things went sour?" The workplace is still a pretty good place to meet a partner with similar passions and values. "If I hadn't worked with (my husband) I would have never met him, and I would still be looking for the love of my life," says one more reader. "Because of our work, we had the same circle of friends, the same interests and the same level of education, which made for interesting conversations."
Another reader got engaged to her colleague/boyfriend after just three months of dating.
"Things have only continued to get better since," she says. "He is, without a doubt, the love of my life, my best friend and the most genuine person I've ever met. It was a risk well worth taking."
Have a love story to tell?
Need some love advice?
Email: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk
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