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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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Why aren’t I getting pregnant?
Dear LoveThing,
I have been with the same guy for five years and never once got pregnant and we have unprotected sex all the time. Why have I not gotten pregnant? Im worried that I cant have kids, and if not, what do I do? I really want to be a mom.
…ASA
**I totally understand your concern, and there could be several reasons why you haven’t gotten pregnant. I assume that you weren’t on any kind of hormonal birth control for those five years, but if you were on something like Depo-Provera (a contraceptive t which is injected every 3 months) beforehand, sometimes it can take a while for your body to get back into its normal cycle. If you were not using anything like that, it could be that you haven’t had sex on your fertile days. An egg needs to be present in order for you to get pregnant, so if you had sex way before or after ovulation, his sperm wouldn’t have an egg with which to unite. Age and health matter too. If you or your boyfriend has a chronic illness, or if you are over 35, you may have a more difficult time conceiving. There’s also a possibility that there’s a problem with either your fertility or your guy’s sperm. Before jumping to any conclusions, the best plan of action is for both of you to see a doctor.
They can ask questions and do tests to help you figure out what may be preventing you from having a baby. They’ll also be able to guide you in what the necessary steps would be once you figure out what’s going on, and if you do figure out you can’t get pregnant. I hope this helps. Good luck.
Is he over his past?
Dear LoveThing,
I have been with my boyfriend now for three months. Things seem wonderful and great but there is one problem; I get really uncomfortable and, yes, jealous when he talks about any past relationships he has been in. In particular one he had that lasted two years. I have told him that I dont like when he discusses things about her, but it seems that shes still coming up in conversations. It didnt bother me that much in the beginning, but now it is like an infected wound that will not heal. To top things off he works with her and has even admitted to having a dream where he cheated on me with her. Please help me!
……. JAY
**Wow, them working together absolutely puts a new spin on things. When did they break up, and who broke up with who? The fact that he is talking about his ex to his current girlfriend makes me think he is still in love with her and seeing her everyday must make things that much harder. Of course you’re jealous that he’s talking about his ex all the time, I would be too, so I am glad you’re telling him how you feel.
Since they were together for two years, it’s normal for her name to come up every now and again, but if he’s not making a conscience effort to bite his tongue for the sake of respecting his relationship with you, perhaps he is simply not ready to move on. The first few months of a relationship is the best part, so if you are already feeling jealous and doubtful of his feelings towards you and his ex, you might want to reevaluate this partnership. I wish you luck.
My partner won’t have sex with me
Dear LoveThing,
I really dont know what to do. I have been in a relationship for two years and weve been living together for a year and a half. Im 24 and my partner is 34. A year ago he lost his job as a result of downsizing, and he spiraled into a depression. I stuck by him, supported him financially, and tried to get him out of his funk. I did this at the expense of a lot of my own goals and ambitions. Shortly after he lost his job, his sex drive dropped significantly. Three months later, we stopped having sex completely, despite my attempts. He got another job three months ago, but we still havent had sex. I assumed it would get better once he got back on his feet, but it hasnt and Im going crazy! He has no interest in sex, refuses to talk about it, and refuses to go to therapy. Meanwhile, I am finding myself more and more attracted to a co-worker, who I know is interested in me too.
I love my partner, and despite everything, he is a very nice guy who has always been sweet and treated me with respect. We laugh and otherwise have a great relationship, but the bottom line is I need sex. Is it okay to leave an otherwise-okay relationship because of no sex?
…….KOMU
**I can hear your frustration. Your partner is the only person you get to have sex with (that is if you remain faithful), and if he’s not wanting to share that kind of intimacy with you (and not even willing to talk about it), then he’s going to end up with one very sexually frustrated girlfriend. I don’t blame you for letting your eyes wander.
You’re way too young to be in a relationship where you’re not getting everything you want and need. I do understand where your guy is coming from though. Men have this idea that they should be able to support their women financially. They want to feel like your rock and when he lost his job, he lost the ability to take care of you in that way. Sex was probably the last thing on his mind, which is understandable, and now that he’s found a job, I bet he’s waiting till he feels a little bit more secure. Once that happens, he’ll feel happier about himself, more confident, and more in the mood for love. How long could that take is the million pound question here. You’ve already been beyond patient, so it’s time for a big chat with your man. Explain that you love him, that you understand what he’s been through, but you need that intimate connection that you’ve been missing. I’m sure that should get him to start talking, and with open communication, you’re on your way to a better sex life. Any other girl wouldn’t wait too long, relationships are all about give and take so if things don’t change soon, it’s time to seek out what you desire.
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