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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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IS YOUR LOVE LIGHT ON?
You're on your own again and you feel you should start looking for someone new. But are you really ready for love? A relationship specialist recently highlighted the signs that tell you you're ready to love again.
Even if you hate being single, to find love, you need to be feeling strong, confident and, above all, happy. Read the signs below, and work out whether now is the right time for you to start dating, or whether you should focus your attention first on your own wellbeing, before considering anyone else's.
*You're not ready for love if: You're still not over your last relationship. To form a new one you need to be in neutral gear emotionally, that is, not in love, not in hate. If you're still reading his horoscope, hoping he'll ring, or delivering deranged monologues to him in your head, then don't even think about it. You will hardly endear yourself to anyone new if you're clearly still obsessed with your ex.
*You've got problems in other areas of your life. To find love, you need to be on an even keel, so if you're having difficulties at work, or at home, it's best to wait until these have been resolved. Ditto if you're about to take an exam, move house, or change job. It's vital that anyone new meets you when you're feeling calm and positive, not twitchy and stressed.
*You are ready for love if: You hear your ex is seeing someone else, and you realise that you don't really care. If you were meant to be with him, then you'd still be together, right? Right. You truly now know that it's your destiny to meet someone new.
*You're enjoying your single life: You're working hard, playing hard, planning weekends with friends, taking evening classes, laughing and smiling, living each day to the full. This is you at your most attractive, and magnetic, best. You won't even have to look for someone new, your happy sparkle means that they'll have zoomed in on you first.
Dr Love
My boyfriend is fun but…
Dear LoveThing,
I have been dating my man for a year and he’s got some great qualities. He’s fun, down to earth and makes me laugh, but he can be very judgemental. I have talked to him about this and he knows that I don’t like it, he isn’t proud about it either. Recently he’s become a little better, but he still makes bad comments.
Normally I wouldn't put up with this but his upbringing and his friends have made him this way. I think he has the potential to change, but I'm not entirely positive. Is there something else I can say to him? I want him to change of his own accord, not just because of me. ---
JENNY
Lovething****People rarely, if ever, change their core beliefs, they go too deep, and intellect, rationale and humour don’t usually affect them. Couples don’t have to be compatible in their tastes or their habits but they do need to be in their attitudes. Life is simply too difficult otherwise. You have explained your situation with great clarity and I agree with you that your boyfriend’s background has probably conspired to make his attitude what it is. Some people simply do not understand why it is unacceptable to feel this way, although sometimes fear of censure can stop them openly expressing their views. But that’s all. Your boyfriend may just think that you are ‘over sensitive’. I doubt he fully comprehends what you are trying to say to him because among his own kind he probably rubs along very well.
He says he wants to change but, by definition, if he could have he would have. So the question really should be, can you stop minding?
He promised to give up his family for me
Dear LoveThing,
I'm in love with a married man. I knew in the first place that he was married, but I took the risk anyway. We went beyond limits and he said that given time, he'd give up his family for me. But three years has past, and still I'm waiting for that time to come for him to say that he's free to marry me. Well, it didn't happen, but still he says he'll do it one day. Now, I travelled abroad and it seemed like we’ve broken up, but frankly speaking; we haven't had a formal break-up. I just pretend that it's over between us. He's still expecting that when I return, I'll still have those "hot feelings" for him. What should I do?
---JULIA
Lovething**** I'm not sure what confusion you have about what you need to do? Getting involved with a married man should be considered taboo. Even if he did get divorced, what security do you have that he won't do the same thing to you? At this point though, I'm sure this is already a lesson learned the hard way. The best advice I can give you at this point is to steer clear of him when you get back. Write him a letter telling him that the relationship is over, and that you do not intend or wish to see him or talk to him when you get back. Do not tell him when you will be back. You need to break off all ties with this person until your emotions are more stable. Give yourself a chance to find love with someone who can return it the way you deserve. Don't settle for half of a man.
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Email: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk
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