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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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Wondering if your new love will cheat?
MOST of us, even the not so
jealous types, know that feeling of, "Is my
partner really working late…or could this person be
two-timing me?" Relationship expert Gilda Carle,
who has counseled many people dealing with this
concern, shared her knowledge about the signs that
someone is cheating (or seriously contemplating it).
Use this information and insight
and either stop worrying or have a serious talk with
your partner! Sign 1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret
from his/her family & friends:- Cheaters keep you
in the dark while they play in the light. Your
relationship won't work if you're getting what I call
the Shadow Treatment.
The Shadow Treatment means that
you are often kept waiting in the wings, while your
mate is out socialising. Think about it: Are there
gatherings of friends, family reunions or workplace
parties that you are not invited to? Do you only meet
some of your other half's network of friends? If you
are kept on the sidelines, there's probably a good
reason.
Maybe your sweetie is on the
prowl for someone else. Or perhaps there is already
someone else and so your role in his or her life can't
be made public.
Anytime you are kept on the
fringes once you believe you are an exclusive couple,
be suspicious. And know that the only way to end
Shadow Treatment is to stop accepting it. Once you
challenge it, you will either be fully accepted in
your sweetheart's life…or know it's time to leave.
Sign 2: Your sweetie is
emotionally absent:- Cheaters conceal their emotional
whereabouts so they can be evasive about their
physical whereabouts. Love is exhausting when you have
to pry the truth out of a partner.
Consider this story: After
enjoying a platonic friendship for a decade, Deola and
Kwame began dating. Kwame was a travelling sales
manager.
While he was on the road, Deola
heard from him only occasionally. But he continued to
say he wanted to spend more time with her, which he
never did. Deola was obviously a low priority for him.
She was shocked to learn he had another girlfriend
across the country.
An emotionally absent partner may say what you
want to hear, but will not change his or her actions
unless he or she wants to. Saying the right thing and
doing the right thing are very different. If your
honey talks a good game about spending more time with
you and paying more attention to you but never
delivers look out! This person may be juggling
multiple relationships.
Sign 3: Your sweetie says he or
she wants a no-stringsattached romance:- If someone
says, "I don't want a commitment," take the
sucker at his or her word. Don't fall into that
"I'll be the one to change all that!" trap.
Cheaters rebel against control and might even have an
affair to spite a partner who wants to rein them in.
Too often people ignore the clear
message a potential date sends them. If someone tells
you, "I'm not into serious relationships,"
"I won't give up my freedom," "I'm not
ready to settle down," or anything resembling
that, take a giant step back! He or she is clearly
telling you, "I want to play the field." If
you pursue the person anyway, hoping for an exclusive
relationship, you may find yourself two-timed and
broken-hearted. Never push people into a situation
they don't want to be in. Never pursue a committed
relationship with someone who tells you he or she
doesn't want one.
Sign 4: Your sweetie admits to
cheating on exes and justifies the betrayals:-
Cheaters rationalise their behaviour to let themselves
off the hook. The way they justify their actions tells
much about their character. Listen to the excuses for
past cheating your sweetie uses. Here are a couple
I've heard: o "My ex was abusive because of a
drinking problem, so I deserved to see someone kinder
on the side." o "My father cheated on my
mum, so cheating on my girlfriend is how I'm working
through my past."
Everyone has a tale to tell. But
are these rationalisations or any rationalisations
acceptable to you? A person who admits to infidelities
in the past and explains them away has a good chance
of straying again. He or she has not taken
responsibility for past actions, nor worked through
the issues involved.
Sign 5: Your sweetie has never
been without a mate:- Cheaters won't ride solo…
ever! Leaving one romance and hopping into a new one
or having simultaneous affairs at once doesn't leave
time for assessing whatever went wrong. They don't
bother with introspection; their focus is squarely set
on pulling new people into their orbit.
If you are dating a person who
shares a romantic history that always involves finding
a new partner before breaking up with the current one,
take heed. This person may think of their mates only
as void-fillers. Filling a void is never a basis for
lasting love.
Sign 6: Your sweetie tells lies
about little things:- Cheaters lie about everything,
which leads you to question their truth from their
fiction. When the need to embroider overshadows the
desire to be honest, the relationship becomes a sham.
If you are dating someone who seems to be untruthful
about mundane topics where he or she had lunch, what
he or she is doing on Sunday morning take note. The
lies probably run deep.
Sign 7: Your sweetie brags about
his or her sex appeal:- Cheaters are insecure, and
need to attract constant attention on the side. They
flaunt their popularity in attempts to boost their own
low selfesteem. Let me give you an example: Josephine
met a "fit guy" on a singles cruise, and the
pair became inseparable for the week. When they
returned home, they spoke to each other constantly. He
sent her a train ticket to visit him.
While together, Fit Guy boasted
that he was his town's "goto" guy for all
the lonely women. Instead of Josephine reading that as
a sign to stay away, she interpreted his description
of himself as "cute." Visiting her two weeks
later, he said he was available throughout the week
except for a lunch date he had with a woman he had
just met.
Josephine found that peculiar,
but said nothing. After a dinner party, he detailed
how many women had come on to him. Josephine began
feeling disrespected and put down. Finally, after
crying herself to sleep, she told Fit Guy he was too
fit for her. If a partner boasts how in demand he or
she is, recognise how insecure he or she really is and
steer clear. This person probably needs more
ego-stroking than any one person can provide… and
will look where he or she has to go in order to find
it.
So now you know the signs that
indicate that maybe your sweetie isn't such a sweetie
after all. Life and love are all about learning.
Remember this saying: "Everyone who touches you,
teaches you." Instead of getting down about a
cheater who stole your heart, think of what you
learned, and how your experience got you to grow.
Your new insight will arm you to
attract someone more trustworthy in the future.
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