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THE LOVE THING
By Eric Orji
E-mail: ayoadehat@yahoo.co.uk |
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Seven unclear signs of interest
Have you ever met someone and then had the nagging suspicion that they might have more than just being "friends" in mind? There aren't always clear-cut signs, but there are some not so obvious clues that people give…even when they aren't aware of it. The next time you need help determining a potential partner's interest level, use these seven tips as
your guide.
1. Their pupils are enlarged when talking with you:- The human pupil dilates when someone is excited or is having strong feelings about something. You can gauge a lot about their interest by paying attention to their eye contact. We often reveal far more than we desire through our eyes.
2. They seem to share a lot of common interests:- If someone is engaging in activities that you like to do, or making an extra effort to be a part of them, chances are they're doing it just to spend more time with you. Take notice of how often they are asking or desiring to do things with you. If it seems rather frequent, it's a good sign they are in to you.
3. They want to spend time with you over weekends and holidays:- With schedules the way they usually are for people, spending time on special days like weekends and especially holidays is a very clear sign that they are interested in something more than just hanging out together. All weekend invitations are not only a great way to get to know someone on a deeper level, they are also a pretty open message that they want to see if this relationship has any potential.
4. They give you a pet name:- Pet names are usually reserved for someone you have a sweet spot for. If your potential interest has decided to call you by one, you're in a pretty good position interest wise.
5. They send gifts without a reason:- This is probably the most obvious sign on this list. If they've sent you any small gift, they are trying t let you know you've gained their interest. Now the ball is in your court to signal that you want to take things a little further.
6. They do little things for you:- Do you find your potential interest going out of their way to do favors for you? Maybe they offer to run an errand or go grab something for you. You can especially tell if they are interested when you are within a group of friends. Are they only doing the little favors for you?
7. They tell friends and family about you, or they introduce you to them:- If they have talked about you to their friends and family, you can be assured you are on their dating radar. If they feel comfortable enough to introduce you to the family, you're probably looking at a potential romance. With this sign you have to gauge each situation individually. If they have a really open relationship with their family, it may not mean anything special. However, if they are usually closed off with them, they are definitely ready for something more.
There are many different ways someone will show you they are interested. You really need to take the whole situation into perspective and be aware of which method they are choosing to communicate their interest. Dr Love
I’m suspicious of his female friends
Dear LoveThing,
I have been dating my boyfriend for eight months and although he’s told me I am the only one for him, I can’t help feeling jealous and suspicious. He has many friends, who happen to be female, and also, sends text and phones exgirlfriends, who he says will always be friends. My problem is he always calls them ‘gorgeous’ and ‘babe’ but calls me ‘mate’. I brought this up and he said he would make an effort not to call them that. How can I stop feeling insecure?
-----BETTY
Love Thing****You haven’t said exactly what you feel jealous and suspicious of. Your boyfriend has told you that you are the only one for him. He is quite open about having female friends, he openly told you that he will always be friends with them, calls them by pet names etc.
So what’s the problem? On paper, you don’t have a problem. But your heart knows differently. You are at a transitional point in your relationship, the bit after dating and before a commitment. Some people think it is utterly charming that a man can have a large amount of ‘friends who are girls’. ‘Oh’ they say ‘doesn’t it just prove what a well-adjusted bloke he is?’ Well, no it doesn’t. There are a few, honourable, exceptions to this
rule but generally when a man juggles a few women at once it is because he is still playing the field. The odd text message here, the odd phone calls there is simply a pattern of bachelor thinking. Now, there may be nothing in any of it but if it’s making you feel awful then a pledge to stop calling these girls ‘babe’ etc. isn’t enough.
Do some serious thinking. Work out which ones you can live with and which ones you can’t. (You’ll know this automatically when you concentrate.) And then you have to work out a strategy for getting your own way. This will make them fall by the wayside. If they don’t, you will have to tell him to change his behaviour or choose between you and…. Try not to nag him or be hysterical. He calls you ‘mate’ so he thinks you are his friend. Don’t disabuse him of this notion unless you have to.
I think I’m unlucky in love
Dear LoveThing,
I have been dating this guy for about two months now and I would like to take things to the next level with him. However, he has expressed to me that he is not looking for a relationship, but enjoys the time that we spend together and does not want that to end. He also says that it is possible that we could become more committed in the future.
But, I feel like the more time we spend together, the more attached I become. I enjoy the time that we spend together as well and would like for it to continue. We have a good time together and seem to have a good connection, but things aren't going that way.
Should I stick around and continue to enjoy the good times or just move on?
------ADAH
Love Thing****When you're looking for someone to become serious with, you need to devote all your attention to the task. If you've got someone who you enjoy being with, but is taking you away from your main goal, it's a distraction. I would approach your situation in a casual way.
Continue to go out on dates with him, maybe once or twice a month. In the meantime, start looking for someone else who has the same long-term goals as you do. If he changes his mind, great! If not, you'll still get to enjoy the time with him, and hopefully develop a great friendship you can maintain
long-term.
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